The Thing about Blogging

The thing about blogging is that sometimes it feels pointless. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with my blog and why I want to write about my very own personal experiences which I should be keeping to myself. There is so much more to it though. The thing about blogging is that it is completely magical when you finally get around to proof-reading those 500 words which have woven together to become a beautiful, unique piece of literature. When you post it and get a nice comment back from someone that you do or do not know your heart swells. That's what I like about blogging, personally. It's nice to look at a post from 2 years ago and relive the memories from the party that you forgot a bit about. It brings back a flood of blurry memories that all occur at once. Blogging is such a wonderful way to create a timeline of your life and your own individual growth.

I don't get too many views but I know that this should all be for me. Blogging is my first love, it's so personal and it all comes from my heart. Most blogs are there to make money, but this one is a testament to my youth, a testament to my eternal love for words and the joy they bring. The English language was my very first fascination that began when I read Treasure Island. I liked the way words sounded and I liked the way they could instantaneously change every aspect of the story.

This, in retrospect, was not the way it all began. I didn't always love words, in fact I hated them. Up until just before high school I was acutely dyslexic. I couldn't read more then two words without getting 'stuck' when I was in grade 1 and I had no confidence in myself. My dad didn't know how to deal with it and he would end up losing his patience and screaming the words at me. I don't blame him for being frustrated but it did not remedy the situation. I remember going to have an assessment done before the academic year was over to see if I needed to be put in a remedial unit, and I told the assessor that I was 'just no good at anything". That stuck with me the whole year and I did in fact fail grade 1. It led to lots of teasing which was not needed. Funnily enough that teasing did not occur in class, it happened at aftercare, a place where an adult is supposed to look after your personal safety and ensure that you are not harmed by others. The people that were horrible were the ones that didn't give me a second glance at school and wouldn't leave me alone at aftercare.  I was placed in a remedial unit to repeat grade 1 the following year. Within the first week of the new year I was promoted and came first in my class.

The year that I left main stream to join a remedial school was the year that I started to understand how friends worked. I've never had particularly good friends. Children are nasty and for a good majority of my childhood I felt completely alone. There were two girls that bullied me a fair amount,and then were my friends for a fair amount too. It alternated regularly. They turned everyone against me and I was too young to fully understand the situation. It did get better, but I was bullied until I was in grade 9. I don't know why I was an immediate target to everyone, especially since every time I've gone to a new school I knew no one.  

There is a certain person that would say I am wanting to be pitied by anyone that reads this. I'm fucking well not. I just want people to know that they are/were not alone. Work through your issues. The only way I learnt to fluently read was by sitting down and trying. I would stare at the words until 

they unscrambled and the d's were no longer b's. I still get confused about which hand is left and which hand is right. Work through it and never give up, you might just find that it becomes your passion.

Sam xx